....and the Smoke of the country was as the smoke of the Furnace"

“…and the smoke of the country was as the smoke of a furnace.”

Friends:

The Black Fly is a power-crazed cannibal that eats mosquitoes.

I learned this while sitting on Nardis’ and Mike’s patio the other night, having food and alcohol, which is what one should do on a patio. The small Therma-Cell lantern was burning softly, and there were no mosquitoes, which was a blessing in itself. It was Father’s Day, and our group of “abandoned” fathers had taken refuge, having been forsaken by wives, who claim we weren’t their fathers, and children who had forgotten their heritage. Mike allowed as how the Therma-Cell burned some concoction of chemicals and attar of some common flower, ground up to produce a smell sorta like that of the Black Fly. The Black Fly, it seems, eats mosquitoes, and the mosquitoes smell this odor and remain in hiding, knowing their worst fear of being eaten alive is near. The Black Fly tears the mosquitoes apart, limb from limb, and eats the bug like one eats a bag of KFC chicken…or so I’m told…it’s probably a fearsome sight, a Black Fly eating a mosquito.

I suppose some Bug Shrink interviewed the mosquito as to what its worst fear in life was…and its mortal enemy. But it is a miracle how someone found out what a Black Fly smelled like…do you know? It’s clearly a question for the Hangar Think Tank. I think I smelled one once while over in Alabama, where I dreamed of a Black Fly eating me, after I had eaten too much Dreamland BBQ in Tuscaloosa. I assure you the Black Fly is indeed fearsome!

In Enterprise, Alabama, there is a Memorial Stature to the Boll Weevil, a bug that destroyed the 1915 cotton crop so thoroughly that the area resorted to growing peanuts, which ended up being a better cash crop. So they celebrate the advent of the boll weevil to this day with a statue. This weevil accounted for a higher land use, and more prosperity for South Alabama. The Black Fly could do likewise for us. Think of the possibilities. Of course, the mosquitoes would migrate over to the mainland, which by then might be overrun with derelicts and escapees from New Jersey, and there would be torment day and night, weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth because of the pestilence.

Extrapolate this concept…imagine a very large Therma-Cell furnace, with a smokestack imported from Hercules, erected on the island, and emitting a constant stream of smoke filled with Attar of Flower that smelled like a Black Fly. Why, there’d be no more mosquitoes, and the island would be filled with condos like Miami Beach. Go further…imagine a huge stature, rising from the marsh like a Phoenix, with a shrine nearby for its worship. “Daddy, what’s that?” little children would cry. “Why, Honey, that’s a statue to the Black Fly who made life possible on the island, free from mosquitoes,” he would answer. “Let’s stop and pay homage to it with a few coins.”


Bud
June 21, 2007