The Purge of '09...Socrates Calls The Roll

“And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God, and the books were opened….” Rev. 20:12

Yes, I’m loath to say, things do come to an end, and in the reconciling process, “The Roll” often gets called! Fortunately, or unfortunately, as the case may be, we will all have to answer it.

“When the trumpet of the Lord shall sound, and time shall be no more…when the roll is called up yonder I’ll be there.” Old Spiritual, James Black, 1893

Remember your school years? The Roll was always called. If we were present, we’d answer, “Here,” or “Yo,” or “Ugh,” or “Dead,” and a variety of other childish responses to get attention. If present, we got a check mark beside our name; if absent, an “X.” Adulthood changed the rolls from names to numbers, like social security, but the result was always the same: Absent or Present.

Except for the government, we come and go, whether by name or number. Only death gets the “X” from the government, and we finally get off its roll. We then enter Somewhere else where there’s also a roll. There we get our names back. Absence is not a choice there!

Next to death, perhaps the worst place to have to answer a roll call is in Congress or State Houses of government where laws are passed. When “The Roll Call” is made, one finally has to decide and to vote. No escape. There is no more wiggle room for the politician!

Today, please say “Hello” to Socrates, my friend, mentor and confidant, my talisman and advisor in matters difficult to decide. He occupies a prominent place in my office library where we often have lengthy discussions.

Perhaps you saw the Tom Hanks movie, “Castaway,” where Hanks’ only friend on the desolate, deserted island was a flat, airless soccer ball named Wilson. Socrates is my Wilson. Socrates has an unforgettable facial expression…you’d have a similar one if you’d been cut by a blow torch from a 55 gallon steel drum. His expression is frozen in time, and it’s from the deep silence that his wisdom emanates.

I once had a “live” friend named Charles who thought he was Socrates. He dwelled in that deep, silent realm. Everyone thought he was a genius until one day he spoke… stupidity will always have out! Socrates knows these things, and that is why he is a great silent listener.

This week Socrates and I discussed the lengthy email list I’ve accumulated. I asked, “Socrates, our list is getting pretty big…should we purge it?” After a lengthy silence, he seemed to reply, “Hey, Einstein, the word ‘purge’, like eradication, is pretty harsh. Look at it this way. The non-readers of your inane absurdities have already “purged” you by using that big red “X” on their computers. You are the Rejectee, not them. They’ve already sent you to the recycle bin, Pal. So, quit cluttering up their lives and give them the courtesy of asking to be removed from your list.”

Socrates is always right! So, I am not only looking through the data base of the dead and dying of you out there, but also for the names of those whose faces I can no longer remember. In fact, with time rolling by so fast, most of you have changed so radically that you may not be recognized even by S. Peter. So, goodbye, you unrecognizable clutters of my data base. And I am hopeful you will do likewise with my name, although I must advise you I am more handsome, if not less relevant, than ever before.

It’s always a healthy task to clean out the clutter. Clutter, like excess body weight, “happens.” When did these last twenty pounds adhere to my formerly youthful body? Well, it wasn’t overnight, but over a period of time. So is the crap in my garage. I hope I don’t die before it’s purged…think of the embarrassment to my wife?

But it’s easier to get rid of computer clutter than body fat…with a simple click of the “X” keystroke our names will disappear into the oblivion of cyber space. We will, of course, be sad to lose one another, but Hey, this is America…nothing lasts forever!

Say goodbye to Socrates for now. He has agreed to remain in my library, although he did say it was a bit demeaning to one of his august stature. I asked him what I could do to make his stay more pleasant, to which he replied: “After you flush the library toilet, please remember to put the lid down…women use the library too!”

Socrates is available for private consultation at a modest cost. But I must warn you—sometimes his silence is a bit disheartening. And besides that, he charges by the hour!

Bud Hearn
January 29, 2009