Ruminations on the Eve of Eighty

There comes a time in a person’s life when they must take the bull by the tail and face the consequences. Four score years of age is one of them.

 --80-- 

I never thought I’d see it, but here it is, staring me in the face. Turning 80 has sneaked up on me. Some things are purely theoretical, actuarial, but when that day arrives, hey, it’s Hello reality.

We’re always making assumptions. I’m optimistic that Friday will dawn with me on this side of the grass, but you never know. So, just in case my assumptions fail, I’m passing along some insights 80 has synthesized. Here’s just a short list:

* * *

Take nothing for granted, not even your own opinions, which should not be formed before coffee clears the morning brain fog and there’s spousal consensus.  

Trust but verify, which includes being certain both feet are on the floor when getting out of bed. Hold on to the bed while your legs stretch. You might have lost a knee joint while you slept.

You will not like what you see in the mirror in the early morning, or for that matter most anytime. But it doesn’t lie…your imagination does.  It’s never wise to look at a profile of your mid-section before inhaling.

“Walk faster,” she says.  I ask why. She says its more aerobic. I tell her I’m not in a hurry. I ask her if there’s any correlation between aerobic activity and the age of eighty. A blank stare ensues.

Always check in with the dog. He’s your pal of last resort. He will love you whether you walk fast or slow and cares little what the mirror reflects.

Creeping age brings with it creepy situations.  Second opinions are advisable except in marital controversies. In such there are no authorities. Go with intuition.

We tend to jump around from this to that. Jumping to conclusions is a mistake. Nothing is as it appears. In fact, there’s no reason at 80 to jump at all. Watch basketball.

Get used to making adjustments. Maintenance and repairs are a fact of life. Especially on your body. You can’t do much with the brain so forget yesterday.  

While in the kitchen recently I pass on this important tip: If you value your eyesight, never open an overhead cabinet with the same hand that holds a sharp knife. The thing speaks for itself.

Smaller is not a sign of utter resignation but evidence of a sound mind. Downsizing will not cost you friends or engender gossip on the state of your financial affairs.

No one will judge you unfavorably if you avoid voguish fads and fashions in clothing. Tommy Bahama has run its course with men.

When faced with unpleasant situations or touchy questions, like what to have for dinner or spousal conundrums like, “Do you think I’m fat,” silence is the best policy.  

Decisions often come easier when evaluated with a simple formula: is it a Want or a Need?

At this venerable age, “NO” comes easier. Use it often. It has gravitas.

I find myself needing a new knee. A friend asked what I was going to do. I told him, “I’ll die with it if I can live with it.” This might apply to other situations as well.     

My daughter asks, “Dad, do you have a goal at this age?”  I tell her it’s one thing:        “Breathing.”

Will someone please explain cryptocurrency to me again?

Convenience is not overrated now.

Put on a good front, a brilliant disguise. People ask, “How are you doing”?  Reply, “Do you really want to know?” Trapped, they must listen. Come clean, tell it like it is, use hyperbole. Life history and all. They’ll be impressed at your memory.

* * *

Well, so much for ruminations on the eve of 80. Everyone who has crossed this threshold seems to get through it all right, so it shouldn’t be too difficult for me.

You have your own speed bumps…go slow, enjoy the ride.

 

Bud Hearn

March 3, 2022