Not since Orson Welles’s radio version of War
of the Worlds aired in 1938 has such panic ensued with the sighting of a white
Chinese balloon overhead. How do we make sense of it? Read on.
There it was, for days, visible with the naked eye, this white balloon, a gigantic surveillance eye in the sky, causing wide-spread panic and speculation as to its purpose. Old news now.
But rumors persist. As it passed over the continental US, people fled to fallout shelters, curling up in fetal positions in basements, hiding under tables and beds and putting their heads between their knees and kissing their tooshes goodbye. So ominous was its presence even hard-core Montanan para-military goons cringed in fear, hiding like marmots for shelter under rocks and crevices.
The devout gathered in cemeteries, waiting for graves to open, speculating as to the time for the promised Rapture of the Redeemed where they’d be reunited in paradise with all those washed in the blood, free from slavery, work, all credit card and student loan debt and where Benevolent mercies flowed like Covid stimulus checks.
In Washington much confusion reigned as the gravity of the situation griped and quashed the nerve and response fibers of all leadership. There was a great clamor in assembling the think tanks for ‘narratives and conversations’ to quell the restless speculation of the populace. Investigative committees were promised. What did this balloon portend? Was its message a warning, a threat, a joke? Explanations are demanded.
The President was called. “I’ll take care of it,” he says. “I’m busy now.” Such assurances from POTUS frightens the jittery public more than the overhead intruder. Chuck and Hakeem were dispatched to retrieve him.
After a diligent search in Scranton, he was found in the basement of his beach home, shooting marbles with Hunter and cleaning up loose ends by deleting laptop digital trails while twirling rosary beads to keep the Avenging angel at bay.
Meanwhile the nation continued to speculate on this white balloon, this errant blimp, this silent wandering menace in the sky. Questions without answers breed discontent, fear, panic. The country is on edge, demanding answers. For lack of other options, it was suggested that Blimpken cancel his trip as a show of gall at the invasion of airspace.
Conversations continue. Shoot it down, some say. But life and limb beneath a wide debris field is untenantable. Besides, China says it’s just a harmless, off-the-leash hot air blimp extracting meteorological data, right? So, what to do remains the dilemma du jour.
Some speculated it could have been dispatched to keep the US honest in its pledge to reduce all CO2 emissions after Kerry demanded more money, money, money at the Davos climate conference. China had heard about the ban on gas stoves but doubted the follow-through. Plus, some speculated it had contracted with Elon to map out all EV charging stations promised in the Inflation Reduction Ruse. Last count there was none.
As we know, blimps and dirigibles are filled with gas, hydrogen or helium. It was perhaps looking for a refueling station, but as it drifted over it bypassed DC since the only gas coming out of that Swamp is methane.
But when the balloon reached the Carolina low country, things changed. This is Geechee country where Edisto River swamps and azaleas set the ambience for laid-back living and where Yankees and uninvited intruders are seldom met anymore with Dobermans and double barrels. Still, everyone in these parts knows you don’t disturb a Saturday afternoon low country boil, not even with a Beijing blimp.
But here it is, taking its own sweet time looking for an invitation to land. And true to its creed, the Confederacy lives on, and this balloon will get the same thrashing Ft. Sumter did. Take it out, is the cry.
Memory is still fresh in the die-hard minds of some, and respect is still demanded for the remaining spirit of the Confederacy where the faithful have saved their Confederate sawbucks for the anticipated resurrection of REL. So, with the one missile remaining from the depleted Ukraine drain, the menace disintegrates in a puff of smoke over Myrtle Beach before it can dock for an upcoming election conference with the resident of Mar a Lago.
But the saga is not over, for speculation continues unabated about the ‘What’ and ‘Why’ of this egregious trespass. After all, America since 1776 has a long history with balloons and bubbles of all sorts, and speculation is the continued favored gold rush of many seekers of instant wealth. Some win, most lose, others beg for the dole. Until the balloon pops.
Let’s move on from the white Chinese balloon diversion and the name calling and not get caught up in the impending explosion of the debt ceiling. That balloon will burst on its own. Let’s get down to business and real speculation: will it be the Chiefs or the Eagles, Mahomes or Hurts?
Buy the ticket, take the ride. Put up or shut up.
Bud Hearn
February 9, 2023
No comments:
Post a Comment