Carnival of Candidates

Friends: A Carnival of Candidates…..
Bait and Switch in Iowa

Bait and Switch: “A form of fraud in which the fraudster lures in customers (voters) in to purchase (elect) a lower price item and but is encouraged to buy a higher priced one.”

The Caucus Carnival has arrived…come out, spend your money for nothing but ephemeral entertainment along The Great White Way…

You knew I’d have a dark-side view of the spectacle of Caucuses…why, who could witness such a display of groveling human nature, as slimy as worms, without a sense of utter revulsion?
The advance operatives showed up a year ago on a treeless, wind-swept and snow-encrusted desolate Iowa wilderness, a state with what, a total of 7 Electoral Votes? Like a horde of locusts, these jobless Jehovah’s Witnesses, dressed in black, canvassed neighborhoods, handing out tracts proclaiming, “Vote for My Candidate,” savior of the world.

They came, preaching with great swelling words and promises of prosperity and security and the manic mantra of hope and change—concepts so subjective as to render their messages meaningless, just like the Carnies who invade small illiterate communities, shaking down the gullible with empty promises of cheap trinkets and Cupie dolls. It was a disgusting sight to behold.

“Rod” Clinton (or HillRod if you prefer) was the star attraction. I once knew a fellow named Rod. He was very rigid, inflexible, and when he spoke people were in awe of his intellect…only he was arrested wandering aimlessly in public parks pontificating to trees and derelicts.

Another premier attraction was “Almike” Hucksterbee, the chief Barker at his religious sideshow, lights blinking, a haunted house of sin, and bullhorns offering Redemption to all Believers who voted for him. Rumors circulated in Des Moines that late at night he was seen in the rear of his tent “laying hands” on strangers and selling indulgences.

Ken, of the Ken and Barbie fame, Misstep Romney, was the Concessionaire, selling cotton candy, that puffy concoction that looks like a big deal, but actually is about an ounce of spun sugar…a cheap “high” that resembles Marge Simpson’s hairdo…actually, in another life I heard he had been a hairdresser. Figures.

Not to be outdone, Rudee Guilana, the Italian Stud, the Sole Savior of New York, was in a small booth passing our biographical “Get Rich Quick Books” on how he went from $7,000 to $70 million in two weeks after 9/11. And of course, Obama was there…he might have sounded credible but for his name…it’s simply too close to the name “Alabama” to suit me…why, what would the world think of us if he were elected?

It all reminds me of the Associated Press article recently which said, “Fake Grouper Passed Off as the Real Thing.” Seems restaurants were selling Asian catfish posing as grouper, fish that cost $2.00 a pound for grouper for $20 a pound. And the idiotic patrons never knew the difference! Friends, that’s what a Carnival is all about…a quick high, lots of laughs and $20 buck Purchases for $2 buck Promises, the classic Bait and Switch!

Maybe I’ve been too cynical, but these vainglorious promises made by a Carnival of Candidates have been too much for me to bear…and remember, “they” will show up in Georgia February 5…so, check out your fish before you eat…and lets hope this is not the end of a Great Republic!

Bud
January 10, 2008