Testing One-Liners...An Extreme Event

There are thousands of one-liners out there, and about all most succeed in doing is getting a blank stare or a roll of the eyes, meaning, of course, "buzz off, you creep." But it is fun to take a few and practice them. The following is a result of that experiment:

One-Liners That Work...an Experiment.

It was a good evening for an experiment...full moon over the marina, soft breeze, a slow blusey Dr. John on the piano, and several attractive ladies at the bar, alone, possibly lonely. The ambience was about perfect for The Experiment...so I fearlessly began to test out some new one-liners.

With eye contact, I said to the blonde, "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by a second time?" Vehemently she screamed, "Get lost, you @#&#@#* loser!"

Undeterred, I eased on down the bar and nudged the petite sweetie with the pinot. "Hi, my name is Mr. Right, and I heard you were looking for me." The dregs of the pinot felt warm on my face, and I took that as a "No."

Somewhat dejected, I slid up on the stool next to this, shall I kindly say, "mature" lady with the rheumy eyes nursing a BudLite. "Darlin'," I whispered softly, "What good is it for me to have inherited $10 million when I have a weak heart?" She slammed her beer on the bar and grabbed me by the lapel and said, "Honey, lets go outside and talk about your problem." She was a woman of fine strength, hearty, robust.

We stood briefly overlooking the moonlit waters, and she reached into her bag and pulled out a big cigar, hiked her leg and lit a match off the bottom of her shoe. The cigar filled the air with a cheap perfume as smoke curled from the corners of her lips. "Now where were we, Baby," she said commandingly. I was not prepared for this much success so early on, and I hurriedly excused myself , feigning nature's call, but promising I'd return shortly.

Slinking out the back door of the bar, I could see her silhouette, smoke encircling her head like a halo. I made good time to my car and considered the evening's experiences. I concluded that in future "experiments" of this nature either I would be more circumspect with my choice of "subjects," or inherit less money. Maybe $100 would not provoke such an extreme response! But after all, it was just an experiment.

Good luck on yours.