"Not Me" Lives Here....

Friends: "Not Me" Lives Here...

Your home, and mine, has been invaded by a rude and unwanted guest...a ghost named "Not Me." It invades and occupies in stealth, and is invisible, seen only by the constant crap it leaves around as it moves from room to room...

It was here this morning...the kitchen phone was not in its place, but in the bedroom. "Who put this phone in the wrong place," I hollered. "Not me," someone answered. Not Me lives here!

Just yesterday I searched for my reading glasses, kept in their "proper" place...they were gone. "OK," I screamed, "Who moved my glasses?" "Not me," another indignantly replied. Not me lives here!

I found the glasses in the laundry room, and the lenses were smudged...! Not Me even has fingerprints.

Two towels hang on the hooks next to the shower. Mine was dry, until I got out of the shower. Somehow it was wet, and the other one dry. They had obviously been switched. "Who switched the towels," I screamed..."Not Me" a faint, but suspect, voice answered. Not Me lives here.

Not Me lives in a lot of places, like The White House, the sexually sterile halls of Georgia DOT, our offices, and of late, as we have discovered, in the Yearning for Zion cult compound. DNA tests are underway there to determine who the "ghosts" are who fathered (and mothered) the confiscated children, while the poor little Unfortunates are shuttled among the foster care houses of Texas along with drug addicts, robbers, and malcontent children of all sorts. Not Me lives in a lot of places.

Locally, Not Me is who is blamed for the lack of a performance bond on an $18 million Technical School Glynn county is building. Not Me has even confused the inquisition of "why" the new jail should be located in downtown Brunswick. The multiple voices of Not Me fessed up, "Not Me."

Do what you will, but I'm not one to idly sit by and take it anymore...I've taken clues from Bill Murray in "Caddy Shack" and am laying traps for this Not-Me ghost. I have "baited" it with snares and hidden cameras and will soon come to the answer...and as it is said, "When the answer is found, it will be a simple one."

I don't know about you, but I suspect I already know who some of the human hosts are that this ghost of Not Me has invaded.

And you can bet it's Not Me.

Bud
April 24, 2008