The Brunswick Jail...A Letter to the Editor

The Brunswick Jail…
A Letter to the Editor

Friends:

A deep sense of civic pride and love for our coastal community compels me to express certain contrarian sentiments on the location of the new Reformation Resort (er, Incarceration Center, or Jail if you prefer) on Main Street in Brunswick. This hot-button issue needs a proper and balanced perspective as the following public declaration will articulate:

Dear Editor: 22 May 2008

I wish to give voice to the opinions held by civic-minded members of Progress-At-All-Costs Advocacy Group, Local 666, of the recent negative public protests and near-riots caused by certain myopic citizens who lack an adequate Progressive Perspective.

Brunswick, GA, once a quaint and erstwhile fishing and port city, last experienced a Defining Event in 1898 when the Hurricane of Providence blew into town and did its best to remake it. Since that time Brunswick has experienced a slow, declining economic health, methodically falling apart brick by brick, its paint peeling and its commerce dwindling. A Pall of Apathy hangs over it like the August humidity where life moves, if at all, like sorghum syrup.

But things are changing fast, and a new Defining Event is about to occur. No longer to be a laughingstock, Brunswick will soon be remade as “The Penal Colony of the Coast.” Enabled by the absurdity of lenient zoning codes given to entice an apparently defunct Harbor of Liberty ~~ 250 feet building height limitations ~~ a new jail will rise from the dust of bungalows eminently domained along Newcastle Street, soon to be renamed Rue de la Bastille de New Castle to give international panache and to pay homage to the foresight of the current nest of County Commissioners. Yes sir, Brunswick is on the cusp of prosperity

Now Fast forward a couple of years … Imagine the Scene:

A gleaming 250-foot brick edifice, windows overlooking the sparkling waters of East River and Marina; glorious evening sunsets; east views overlooking magnificent moss-covered oaks and courthouse parks; free rooms, free food and freedom to relax and enjoy a coastal vacation courtesy of the State… New friends, new experiences ~~ who wouldn’t commit crimes to enjoy such a resort? It’ll stay full!

Imagine this:

Now-vacant streets teeming with life and family members of the Vacationers, kiosks selling chicken wings, snow-cones, p’nuts and pretzels; shops hawking “Penal Resort t-shirts,” and sit-down restaurants catering to the chittlin choppin’ visitors on Visitation Days. Yes, money will be lying in the streets soon… Spur 25 will dry up and a new real estate boom will occur on the beer-can encrusted lots on Norwich Street….Hurry, going fast!

Wait ~ there’s more…..Imagine:

Bail bondsmen with 24/7 neon-flashing promises, adding cache to a renewed 24/ 7 live-work-vacate city. Yes, new high-rise condos for inmate relatives will supplant the dilapidated shacks and increase the rolls of local churches, which will, of course, add to charitable giving to the needy citizens who will be further marginalized and disenfranchised. Yes, all will share equally in this Historic Event, though as usual some will share more equally than others.

Oh, Imagine such new prosperity ~~ why, the commissioners, Good Ole Boys “just doin’ their job,” will have parks named in their honor; bronze statues of themselves will be erected throughout the “new” city; field trips by school children and northern transients off I-95 will visit in awe of such prescient and humble public servants.

Yes, Mr. Editor, expect a Renaissance of Prosperity for the “new” Brunswick: “Penal Colony of the Coast.” Oh, The money, the money ~~ Imagine the possibilities…..

Very truly yours,

Bud