Christmas...the Simpler Things of Life

Christmas...
The Simpler Things of Life

It just doesn’t take that much to be happy…even at Christmas.

I’m in Atlanta Christmas shopping…well, kinda. I’m shopping the banks whose loan windows say, “Open—Final Days, 50% Sale on all Loans, or Going Out of Business, Entire Stock for Sale, Everything Must go.” Look, what use is real estate, or Christmas, without a quick, end-of-year loan to tide me over?

Being a loan-shopping expert, I’ve learned that it saves a lot of personal embarrassment if you just park outside and observe the people who exit the bank. Check out their faces, their walk…that’ll tell you a lot about the banker’s mood du jour. In such matters it is advisable to only test the depth of the water with one foot.

So, for today’s shopping spree I chose the bank which had a parking lot full of fine automobiles, those with proud, though suspect, family names, such as Bentley, Benz, Royce, Aston and Nardelli (oops…well, Italian anyway).

The gleaming granite edifice smelled of “old money,” while the sign on the door boasted “Rock Solid”. The parking lot met my criteria. Unfortunately, today the banker must have fueled his foul mood with “No’s”. (Bankers practice saying this word “NO” a hundred times a day in front of mirrors). The unshaven faces of “shoppers” were long, their suits tattered, threadbare and soiled. One might have sensed that perhaps their whole lives, not just Christmas, needed tiding over.

I had my answer, so I left, preferring the less pretentious bank down the road, its lot filled with GM’s and Fords. It looked as if it needed to make a few loans…or get one. Moreover, it was located directly beneath the lighted billboard that read, “Titanic…Experience the Thrill.” I took that as a good sign and felt lucky today. I was not!

After a few cold ones at Hal’s, and hearing enough hard-luck stories to sink a titanic, my self begin to feel good about itself again. I remembered the little town I grew up in. There was only one bank, and its loan window was always closed…it only accepted deposits. Since things were cheaper in those days, loans were not needed: Gas at $.27 a gallon and we could ride all day on two gallons; Cherry cokes were a dime, and a Saturday movie was a quarter…what deals.

Some genius in our family had the bright idea of planting 20 acres of Christmas trees on the farm, apparently figuring that it’d keep us out of trouble come Christmas. So, we’d cut those trees, load them in the pickup and peddle them from door to door, all for the exorbitant sum of $10 a tree. We neither got into much trouble nor made much money.

While I can’t say for sure, I don’t believe the family’s foray into tree farming was very profitable, and a couple of years later some sort of “lightening” struck the field and incinerated the trees. Oh, how wonderful was the smell of burnt trees to me, and there was great jubilation when the family received the insurance check!

In my little town, the most exciting thing about Christmas for pre-pubescent children was receipt of a large box of fireworks…cost, about $15. They occupied our idle hands for a few days before Santa came (we never doubted Santa, which proved expedient). The boxes were loaded with Cherry Bombs, rockets, roman candles and TNT Bombs. Have you any idea the mischief such explosives can cause in the hands of an un-supervised, roving horde of mindless pre-teens? Yes, fun was cheap in those days, and my neighbor’s 4 acre sedge grass field needed burning anyway.

Christmas is more expensive these days. Big loans are a necessity now to tide us over, whether credit cards or credit lines. But we have no more fun with all these expenses than we did in a more simpler time…I think less. After Christmas the fireworks were gone, the toys either broken or boring, and we got back to sand-lot football or shooting hoops in Tubby’s back yard. Simple things.

Christmas is here again, and for the first time in years we decided that “simple was better.” We’ve shopped modestly, shunned the banks and will avoid the Alka-Seltzers when the January bills arrive. (But I’m keeping my eye on the “Titanic” bank for good reason!)

Yes, simple is in this year. While I’m pretty well set with all I need, a nice pair of cashmere socks would be appreciated…..is anybody out there listening?

Bud Hearn
December 19, 2008