Transparency and Other Useless Ephemera

Hopefully by now we have begun to heal from the bludgeoned beatings inflicted upon us by the tongues of politicians, the pixels of Wolf in The Situation Room and the ink of media pundits. What, you’re still in ICU? We’ll send flowers.

I’m loath to report that many of us have fallen for the charlatanry and have accepted this rubbish as scripture and prophesy. Some have even internalized the routine gimmickry fed to us by the purveyors of so-called news. Even worse, some have swallowed the scroll of their insidious gospel and become disciples of those promulgating such quackery. And you thought John the Baptist was rabid!

Day and night we’re being force-fed by newsprint and air waves the latest “new normal,” which somehow as has superseded the previously now-dead “old normal.” How is it possible now to distinguish between such “circumlocution” (Dickens had a way with words!)? Take for example the zenith of all snake oil elixir, the pontification of the promise of “Transparency.”

Maybe the wine of this hallucinatory remedy, imbibed in heavily by all politicians today in stupendous quantities, originated from the days of the Boss Tweed Gang up in Albany, NY, the seat of power and corruption for that region. Like Greeley’s statement, “Go west, young man,” the central seat of power and corruption today has been relocated some 800 miles to the west in the former Great Swamp, now Chicago. But then some things never change.

Now to understand politics it is necessary to have taken “Read Between-The-Lines 101” Class. You remember that one in college, right? Only thing most of you remembered from that class was how to determine if your date really meant Yes when they said No, or Maybe, or Later, or We’ll See. I failed that class as I recall. But dust off that old book and study up on the word “transparency” again.

It is impossible to be totally transparent in the true sense of openness. Besides, that would necessitate having to live without clothes at all, and, as Mr. Buffet once said, it’d be an ugly sight to behold. But politicians and charlatans are not concerned with naked bodies, only obfuscating their actions labeled as transparent. They don’t give one whit’s thought to what you look like, or even the thoughts of your fertile mind. No, power and money are selfish, concerned only with self propagation. That’s transparency!

So, you see, it’s all a trick, legerdemain, smoke and mirrors to get you to ignore the fingers, which they promise will never leave the hand. And it’s the fingers of the hand that hold the pen that signs these opaque, uh, excuse me, these “transparent laws,” sending capital distribution from Washington in a gigantic reparation to a citizenry now totally dependent upon government for everything.

The space between the lines of transparency literally says, “Hey, trust me to do what’s right.” That’s a novel concept. Look what we got…”WMD” and “the definition of is.” No, it’s all media show, scripted tele-prompters, press conference shills and pompous words. Want to read the Stimulus Bill? Then pick out the “transparent” section that provides free a cell phone and air time to all who meet certain qualifications of welfare…citizenship not necessary! Try that for transparency.

Frankly, do we really want to see one another as transparent? It would take the fun out of the guessing game. Moreover, what would some really look like if the disguises were removed? NO! It’s just too ugly to even think of. So, let’s just let it be, let everybody have their own “transparency.”

Soon we’ll discuss the “too big to fail” concept, the “bailout” scenario, and the “toxic assets” conundrum…a later time, maybe. No, the issue of transparency demands our full attention. For once I’d like to have some leader stand up, speak out, saying, “Hey, you want transparency? Get elected, then you will prefer the current system of graft, corruption, no term limits and the absence of campaign law or ethics reform.”

At least Wilbur Mills and Fanny Fox had class, cavorting in their transparent nakedness in the Mall’s tidal pool…Oh, for the good old days when alcohol in DC reigned supreme. Hey, Gary, still got the yacht? The Monkey Business, wasn’t it? Rahm has it booked, you say? Oh, well…

Friends, that’s “transparency”!


Bud Hearn
June 11, 2009