Yesterday’s Mirror

“He had tried all forms of escape from life, finally reverting to the final refuge of delusion…” Anonymous

Delusion is irrefutably a refuge from reality. We’ve all resorted to this fortress at one time or another. Many live there permanently. Why? It’s a comfortable place where we’re not assailed by actualities. While it may be a Five Star resort, the price of the stay is steep.

My old running buddy, Mike, is a remnant of an old and venerable Pennsylvania Mafia family whose mirror broke decades ago. He’s known to many of you as “The Nose.” He recently sent me an interesting email. He had apparently spent too much time looking into yesterday’s mirror while drinking cheap Chianti and ruminating about “the old days.” The mirror was a photo album, and he had unearthed some photos from back into 1980’s when things were different with his body.

He commenced to carry on about how buff, toned and bronzed his torso was. The date was not mentioned. The photos he referred me to were shots we’d made of ourselves, narcissistic, I admit, while we were biking all of Cumberland Island. Our House of Refuge was the Greyfield Inn, and it’s easy to get carried away on that front porch after a gourmet meal and fine, aged scotch.

I decided to also join him in that trip into the past, so I pulled out several of my old photo albums and looked into that mirror. Now, it’s really difficult to remember without some aid the events of certain days and years. Photos help jog the memory. I found the very ones he had been viewing. And yes, we were hunks, which, I think, is the vernacular today. (Delusion has no boundaries, be warned!) But that was then, and this is now.

I found many shots of my wife, children, friends and family scattered throughout, and almost without exception each photo brought back memories of the “good old days.” For a couple of hours I rummaged through my own house of refuge, wandering the halls and dusty, unused rooms of that desolate museum. There were some silly ones of the 1970’s when polyester, bell-bottoms and long hair were the style. Oh, if we could have then seen ourselves in the mirror of the future…hilarious!

I especially liked some when I was in my athletic prime, like snippets of my soccer coaching career, when I could actually participate with the children and could compete. That was real delusion! Then there were the inevitable beach shots, where only a small garment separated nudity from decorum, and when nobody was embarrassed at strutting their stuff. In retrospect, who didn’t look great in those days?

I responded to Mike that I found a recent shot of him in a bathing suit, and what had once clung tightly to his massive Italian chest now hung limply around his flaccid belly. When living in the house of delusion there are some rooms that should be locked forever…this was clearly one. His emails suddenly went silent. Either he passed out in the rocker from Chianti anesthetization, or he retired to bed.

Today I received what I’d call a “sober” response to my last communiqué. Mike allowed that he awoke from the bizarre dreams of the house of delusion into the light of today. An epiphany, he called it. More clothes, he said, should be worn at this age at the shore, and large fines imposed on all who violate this rule. We both agreed that the flowing robes of the Arabs had much to offer our population.

The house of delusion has many mirrors. Like Disney World, with its caricatures and make-believe, it is a rather exciting place to visit. But it is not a good place to call home. The Portrait of Dorian Gray was Oscar Wilde’s opium-induced creation into the surreal world of the house of delusion. The picture became old, decrepit, disgusting, while Dorian himself remained young and vital…a freak of nature.

I suppose we should be happy to have a variety of means of looking at life from other angles, and photo albums are a great mirror to keep things in perspective. But I warn you, as I admonish myself, before you go there, BYOB, and leave Chianti for the Italians. You’ll be glad you did.

Bud Hearn
April 22, 2010